Relationships: Knowing Someone for 24 Years Doesn't Make Them a Good Friend

Friend for 24 Years Turns Out to Be Not so Good of a Friend

After we left, I sent her an email later that day, apologizing for anything I may have said that could have upset her, but she did not reply. I called her home and left a phone message with an apology, but never received a reply. I made no further attempts to contact her, because I felt that I had really done nothing wrong; and if she was upset about my concern for her, that was her problem, not mine.

A year and a half later, she called me from her cell phone while driving, saying that she was heading to a doctor appointment near my home, and would I meet her for lunch after her appointment. I did, and once again the conversation was all about her. She did not ask about my work (I had recently retired), my interests, our home business that she knew existed. She did not ask about anything of interest that may have occurred recently in my life. She did, however, ask about my parents and my husband, but that was it. Whenever I made any brief comments regarding a vacation, sports, our home business, or other topics in my life, the subject was quickly switched back to her.

I left with a feeling of disappointment that she had not shown more of an interest in learning anything about my life. After all, it had been 16 months since we had seen each other, and I had not heard from her during that lengthy span of time. How could I have been so blind all these years as to not realize that she was not really a good friend?

A page of my life had turned—a page that I would never re-read.

The sad realization hit me that just because we may know someone for 24 years, and listen to their life's story for 24 years does not make that person a good friend. Even if she had felt offended at my suggestion to improve muscle tone to prevent injury, a real friend would have been forgiving. A true friend may have felt temporarily miffed then would have gotten over it and remained friends.

Something as petty as her offense at a suggestion for improvement caused her to cut off all communication to a 24-year friendship for a year and a half. A feeling of melancholy came over me as I recalled all that we had been through during the past 24 years: work, graduation, our families , finding our careers. But none of that was more important to her than her feelings of being offended over a simple suggestion out of concern.